A Cascade Effect of Child Abuse

My materinal uncle did not just sexual abuse my brother. There are multiple other extended family members that were also victims. In fact, my uncle had made statements that one could conclude that he was also a victim himself. Some family members have admitted, a few admitted and then retracted, and a few that have behaviors that point to abuse, but they will not admit (i.e., cutting).  They are all adults now. 

For years now, I’ve told my psychologists and psychiatrist that my brothers sexual abuse started when he was 6 or 7.  A fight with my wife led to self reflection about this fact. Something that I have believed for at least the past 4 years. 

I realized that, in fact, I don’t think my brother ever told me when the abuse started or stopped. I know he said he was young, but I really don’t remember an age being given. 

So why was I adamant about the 6 or 7?  Why was I telling this to people?

We moved away from our extended family almost 1,000 miles away right before I turned 6 to live near other relatives. The abusive uncle happen to move as well to live with my aunt, my other uncle, and their kids.

He lived in their den. I remember it as a dark small space. With one window. That had wooden blinds that were always closed. I remember only a single lamp in his room, a small desk lamp that had a duck decoy as the base. The lamp shade was oval in shape and a dark green opaque shade. Funny, the things to remember. 

I don’t remember my uncle ever touching me. But what I do remember from 6 and 7 years of age has new meaning to me looking back on it. Two other extended family members would separately initiate “games” with me; “games” that 6 and 7 years old don’t play, nor games that other non-adults should of been playing neither. 

These other extended family members, I found out later in my twenties, had been sexually abused by my uncle. I don’t blame them for what happen to me or feel any bad feelings towards them. I love them, greatly.  They were violated.  

The far reaching hands of my uncle has reached me and I am attempting to now figure out those impacts. I am not sure why I my brain is having so hard of a time as I do not see those who were directly attacked suffering except my brother. At least not in the open.  I hope, I pray they are seeking help, like I am, or at peace with their past. The circle of abuse must end.